can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
