So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
