i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
