Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
