wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
