When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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