First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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