Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
