literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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