Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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