Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
