I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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