He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
please come you make the beer taste better
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
