Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i think my cat just said my name.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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