I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
