The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
