I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
