dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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