Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
