Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
