Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
