that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
