took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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