there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
