I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
