His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
