the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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