that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
