I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Green mimosas i think yes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
