Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
