I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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