just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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