that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
