Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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