I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
