YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i permit you to call me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
