so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
