It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
