Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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