The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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