either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
