beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
