I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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