You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
