i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
