They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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