I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
