i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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