would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
