oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
