I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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