his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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